I'm a big, big girl
by Mango517
Summary: Temperance thinks about a mistake, Booth tries to make things right...Tears and fluff. BB Constructed Universe. Early 2007. Totally OOC.
1. I'm a big girl i can take care of myself

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She was going to turn around to tell him about the horrible dream, the dream where she had ruined it all...but when she turned around he wasn't there, he never was, not anymore. The dream was real and it was all her fault. She wonder why she even bother to see if her was there anymore, he was never there and he wouldn't ever again. Nothing could change it, it was her own stupid choice. She was the one that told him to leave, even though she new she would go crazy without him. She was getting to attached, to...what was the word too... human.

She had let him know her deepest secrets and her deepest fears. But as if that wasn't enough, he was there everyday sharing everything in her life. She knew that he knew her better then she knew herself, and that scared her even more. But that was all over now, he wouldn't ever wake her up in the morning to serve her breakfast in bed, or to tickle her merciless. Her wouldn't ever wake her up just because he wanted to tell her how much he had missed her while he slept or how beautiful she was. And she wouldn't ever tell him how silly it was to miss someone while you slept, or that she wanted her coffee with two spoons of sugar, not three. Never again would she tell him these thing, because she was _too darn stubborn_, as he said, too stubborn to see that she was actually missing her chance of happiness.

She considered getting up, knowing that she wouldn't get anymore sleep that night. But she stayed, closing her eyes imaging him beside her, his hot breath on her shoulder, his warm body and amazing muscles. She could almost feel it, almost. But the real him was so much better, so so much better.

It had only been a week, and she was already losing it. Not being able to sleep problem was damaging her work, Angela was already upset with her for not wanting to have a girls night out. Cam was getting more and more pissed by her zombie like state. Hogins was muttering about conspiracy theories and Zack had decided to stay as far as possible from his mentor. And it was all because of him, or well actually it was all her fault. But it was easier to try to blame it on him. Besides they were to different, he wanted to marry, she was against all form of marriage, he wanted kids, she didn't. Or she use to not want the. It was clear that they didn't fit, anyone could tell. At least if they didn't know the truth, the truth was that he had asked her to marry him, and she had said yes just because she knew it was important. She could marry him, it didn't matter she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, and if he need to have a paper and a ring to prove it, she was sure as hell gonna give him that...but now everything was wrong.

Her life was falling a part, first Booth and because of him she was surely going to get fired if she kept her bad behavior up, and by leaving the lab "all" of her friends was going to disappear, and then all the thing she had worked for would be gone. A sudden flash of lighting made her cry out in fear, she could her the thunder roll and the rain start to pour. She pulled the blankets closer, as she felt hot tears start to roll down her cheeks. And it wasn't just because of the storm that was now raging out side (even though thunder storms scared her), but because she was effectively ruining her life. She lay there shaking both with fear and sadness. All she wished was that he would come home and hold her, make the flashing light and frightfully loud noise disappeared. He would forgive her for the mistake that she had made a by breaking things of with him...but he didn't come to her rescue, and at that moment Temperance Brennan felt truly and completely alone.

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**Had an hour to spear (well not really) and decided to write something, named the fic after Emilia's Big Big girl. Because i was listening to it as I wrote. Considering continuing it (making a "real" story about this) but for that to happen I need some good reviews (blink blink)**


	2. i don't wanna spend forever like this

It wasn't suppose to be like this, he was suppose to sleep next to her not in his own cold empty bed. He was suppose to tell her how much he loved her and that she was the most amazing person in the world. He was suppose to tell his parents that he finally had found himself a girl, not call his brother to tell him he broke up with the love of his life.

He looked out the window, it looked like a storm was on it way. He felt bad, Temperance hated the thunder storms. She had never explain why she just hated it, it scare the living shit out of her and that was something not many things did, making her seem weak and powerless. storms was one of the only times he was allowed to comfort her, the only time she gave her self to him completely. The storm nights where the worst and best he could remember sharing with her. He hoped to god that it wasn't going to be a thunder storm to night, Temperance would be all alone to deal with the stress and fear that the storm cause her.

He wonder why he had woken up, it was nearing 2 a clock and Booth usually never had any sleeping problems, even thought he over the past few nights had been having the same dream, or well memory repeated over and over again during his sleeping hours.

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_"I cant do this anymore Booth" she said, standing up next to the table._

_"Do what Bones?" he asked looking up from his food._

_"us" she said with a firm voice. Booth was glad he had swallowed the last piece of food before asking what she couldn't do, if he hadn't he probably would have choked to death._

_"what are you talking about? Is this about me wanting to tell people about our wedding plans?" he asked, he was starting to get really upset. she wanted to break things of..._

_"no it the whole situation, i just cant do this" she looked scared for a moment, but then put her emotionless face on, the one victims that had been brutally murdered often received as she was trying to master her feelings._

_" come on Bones, you don't wanna do this" he said softly, getting up moving to stand next to he, but to his surprise she back away._

_" yes i do, I'm gonna go now, i be back in the morning, then i want all of your clothes and stuff to be gone" he looked as he was about to protest " GONE Booth, do you hear me, i want you out of my apartment and out of my life" the fact that she was shouting at him was a big shock to him._

_"pleas Bones... Temperance" she was acting so strange, what had changed since yesterday?_

_"Good bye Booth" she said turning around briefly in the door way, before closing the door with a bang. He was so shock he only stood there for a minute then he took of after her. but it was to late, she was long gone..._

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He remembered driving around for hours looking for any signs of her car, then he had given up and driven back to his place not bothering to fetch any of his stuff from her place. He hadn't seen her since that night. He had been avoiding her, not wanting to face the problem. He should be planing a wedding not worrying if he was ever gonna see is fiance again.

_This Monday i swing by the lab_ maybe he could find out what was wrong with her, what was making her push him away. Then he heard the first crack of thunder, shortly followed by the sound of thunder and hard pouring rain. A thought struck Booth, _maybe_ this was gods way of making him understand that he needed to see, and talk to his Bones... and with that he rushed out of bed...

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what will happen? will Bones take him back? or will everybody end up unhappy...

My other story Love is in the air, is almost done (yayayayayay) and i think I'm gonna update it pretty soon.( i changed quite a lot in it) this story just started to write itself. and I'm thinking an other short chapter then it has to end...

Does anyone know if there is gonna be a third season (pleas dear god let there be) and if Hoggins and Angela really are going to get married in the last ep of this season? (saw some pic and on David´s "blog" he wrote something about wedding.

love you all Jennie


	3. I will miss you much

He had been banging her door for almost 10 minutes, calling her name, begging her to let him in. Not just through the door but back into her life. He was baning the door so hard he was sure he had broken at least a few bones in his hand. But he needed her to open, he need to get into her. If only to hold her as the storm raged out side, he needed to make her feel safe, if just one more time.

She could her him baning the door, it made her feel sick. He was standing there out side her door begging her to open it, and she just lay there. Not moving, not responding it made her feel sick, sick about herself. What in the world had she done to have someone like Booth in her life, someone that would come by banging her door at 02:30 at night even though she had broken it of with him. A part of her wished that he had come by five minutes earlier, because maybe, just maybe, she would have had the guts to let him in. But not now, she wasn't going to let him see her weak and powerless, crying about the storm and her own mistakes. No if she did, she knew it would be impossible to resist hugging him, and tell him how much she loved him, it would be simply impossibly. And then he would be back, she knew he would, all she would have to was ask. She wouldn't even have to beg to get him back, because she knew, knew that he was all hers, and that made her feel more sick.

Then the banging stopped, she could her his muffled voice through the door, begging her to open. Telling her he loved her, she tried her best to dry the tears that for the second time that was welling up in her eyes. _God why did it have to hurt so much_.

He needed to leave, soon her neighbours was going to start wonder why someone was standing in the corridor banging a door, when it was clear that the person wasn't going to open up. He consider sitting back against the door, waiting until she went out the next time. But then decided against it, she clearly didn't want him there. Maybe she never wanted him there...

Had he left, she wondered. He had stopped knocking, stopped talking, had he deiced to leave...had he left, left her for good this time? There was a lighting out side, the violent flash of light made her cry out in fear.

He heard her cry out, it was killing him to know how scared she was. _Pleas Bones open up come on let me save you_ but she didn't come. Maybe this was there end no more Bones and Booth _the super team_, as Angela had started to call them. No more cosy Friday nights that Temperance found totally pointless, he smiled remembering telling her that cosy nights at home wasn't that full of meaning, they were simply a cosy time and place where you shared your feelings. He leaned back agent the door, he wasn't going to give up. he was going to wait her out. She would have to come out of there sometime right?

Maybe she should go and check if he was still there? Maybe he was there waiting for her, waiting there to promise her the future. tears was freely flowing down her checks. What if he wasn't there? What if he left ? Really left? What would she do? She was shaking lightly as she checked the peep hole to see if he was there, he wasn't. She felt her heart break, had he given up? would he come back? She need him to hold her, she need to bee safe. Tomorrow didn't matter, it didn't matter that he one day would end up breaking her heart. All she wanted was for him to hold her one more time. She slided down pressing her back agents the door, letting her tears flow freely.

If she only knew that he was less then an inch a way, waiting for her to open the door and let her in...

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Not sure if you can see the floor when looking out through the peep hole (or what ever its called) but in this story you cant.

So now they are both sitting on each side of the door missing each other...


	4. If that's what you think then your wrong

Xelif: why Bones is afraid of storms will be explained. And i know its a bit out of character for Bones to bee scared, but i just started to write about the storm and needed an excuse for Booth to rush over to her place. Why she broke up with him will be explained too. Also i posted the third chapter before going to (in the morning) school so i was kind of stressed, also English isn't my first language and I'm only 15 so i don't catch the mistakes. (maybe i would if i wasn't speed reading, like i did this morning) thanks for the review ;)

Thanks to YouAndMe Kelly and bb-4ever that have reviewed "all" of my chapters... also thanks to Virpukka Mockingbird84, x3 sierra (don't worry there will probably be a happy ending…)

I so happy only one person comment on spelling and grammar mistakes... does that mean I'm getting better or are people to lazy to tell me...? I be thankful if you could tell me about my mistakes so i can change them ;)

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Booth was sure he could hear her crying from inside. He felt the strong need to get in to her and comfort her, tell her it was going to be okay that he was gonna fix it, he was good at fixing things. Maybe he could kick the door in...no her door opened outwards not in, what if he could pick her lock? Getting up looking at the keyhole, then a thought struck him. He had a key, what an idiot he was. They had exchanged key a few months earlier, he quickly searched his pockets. There it was a small plastic heart attached to the keyring.

She wished for him to come back, she wished that she never had made him go. She wished she had put her own happiness before his. Because that was all she was trying to do, make him happy. Then she heard the sound of a key being inserted into the keyhole, she drew a deep breath. _Was he coming back? Had he changed his mind?_ She practically jumped of the floor, standing a few feets from the door, she tried to dry the tears from her face, to make him think she wasnt crying.

He looked around, she was standing a few feets away from the door. Her face was stained with tears and her hair was tussled. She was wearing one of his shirts, he briefly smiled inward. He knew she loved to sleep in them, but he figured that she would have box them (and the rest of his stuff)up waiting for him to come by and pick them up.

"What are you doing here Booth?" she hoped her voice sounded calm.  
" well i came because... well i know you don't like the storm, and i just..." he didn't finish, he felt strange. It was hard, harder then he had thought, to just stand there and not pretend he loved her, pretend he didn't want to take her in his arm and make the pain go away...

"I'm a grown woman Booth, i don't need you to take care of me" he felt hurt by her words, but tried to hide it, tried to pretend she wasn't Temperance Brennan, but some strange. It didnt help...

She could tell that she had hurt him by her words. She turned around moving over to the windows, looking out at the rain. She could hear him shutting the door and coming over to where she was standing.

"did i ever tell you why i don't like thunder storms?" she asked, as if she was talking about something ordinary (like the weather). She could see him shaking his head, his reflection clearly showing in the window.

"i never liked them as a kid, but i wasn't really scared of them. I just wanted to curl up in bed and wait for them to be over, but i could deal with them. As a teenager i started to find them fascinating, powerful and dangerous..." she trailed of looking out the window. The rain was flowing downward the cold suface. It made her feel like it was raining inside of her. She shivered before continuing.

"then the day after they went missing, Russ was trying to blame me. Telling me not to spend so much time talking on the phone, so the would have a chance to call" she let out an offended wimpier.

" I never even use that phone... then he went out to one of his party's" He could her by her tone that those parties wasn't appreciated by anyone, but Russ.

"That night there was thunder storm, and i was so scared, so worried both about my parents and Russ...and ever since then the storms make me feel just as scared and powerless as that night" she shook her head. He could tell that she was crying even though she wouldn't let it affect the intensity of her voice. He should have know it had something to do with her parents disappearance...

Then he realized, that he wanted to ask, he needed to ask, ask the question that had been hanging over his head for the past week,_ i migth not ever get an other chance._

"why did you break up with me?" he said, she turned around and looked him strait in the eyes.

"i want you to be happy" she said with a hollow voice.

"I'm happy when I'm with you" he said, shocked that this was the reason she didn't want to be with him. She let out a hollow laughter, then turned deadly serious again

"not your not " she said, her voice sounding like ice to him. He was speechless...

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Hehehehe some questions were answer, this story is making my English homework late... that sucks but this story is fairly good...at least i think so...but I need to fix my English homework (read a book and find hard words and slang words...boring...) before continuing this. (and love is in the air...)

DOES any one know if Hoggins and Angela is getting MARRIED???? Desperate to know...


	5. The way i feel inside to night

"i _want you to be happy" she said with a hollow voice._

"_I'm happy when I'm with you" he said, shocked that this was the reason she didn't want to be with him. She let out a hollow laughter, then turned deadly serious again_

"_not your not " she said, her voice sounding like ice to him. __He was speechless..._

"what is that suppose to mean" he asked, grabbing her arm as she started to turn away.

" its the truth, both you and i know it" he looked at her, searching for some kind of hint that this was all a joke.

"one more time, what is that suppose to mean" his voice was just as cold as hers.

" you should be with someone lively and social, not an social outcast like me" she said looking away.

"you think it matters. how good you are with people?, i love you because you are you" he said letting go of her arm, placing his finger under her chin making her look at him.

"i love that you talk like your still in the lab at all times of the day, i love that you can stand up for yourself, love that you eat all my noodles when we order Thai food, love the way you see things in black and white. I love all of that, OK Bones i love every little inch of you" her eyes, that had almost dried once more filled with tears.

"why, why would you love any of those thing...they are...well stupid" she looked down, feeling sad, why didn't he see that he could do so much better then her.

"i love you, nothing about anything of you is stupid okay" she nodded, feeling strange.

She still didn't understand why Booth would love her, she was _too_ smart and socially awkward. Was that something you were looking for in a girlfriend, hardly. So why, why would he love her...

"i still don't understand why you would pick me when there is so many people that are...normal. they want the big fancy wedding, a nice suburb house, the 3.4 kids...that's what you want too. And i don't want you to give up that just to be with me..." He shook his head.

" i don't need or want any of those things as long as i get to be with you" she looked down.

"why would you just wanna give those things up? you wanted them for a long time"  
"Bones listen to me, i love you, I'm going to marry you, it doesn't matter that you forgot that we were going to meet the wedding planer and i had to talk to her all by myself or that you think a blue cocktail dress would be a good weeding dress... those things doesn't matter, because i love you, and nothing can change that"

"but you are missing out on so many things, kids..." he cut her off, she looked down,

" i have Parker and that's good enough for me" he said with a firm voice.

"but still you are missing to many things, and that's why we cant be together. It doesn't matter that i would do anything for you or that i will be alone for the rest of my life... it just doesn't matter, i don't want you to give up the life i know you want, for me" she said, her voice sounding lightly muffled, like she was about to start crying again.

" so you think i would be happier living in a big house with a stay-at-home-wife and a few kids, that i would be better of with out you" she once more looked at the floor, as if her toes was suddenly becoming very interesting.

"yes" she whispered.

"why Bones, why would you think i would be better of with out you?"

"i just want you to be happy" she said, still whispering.

"I'm happy with you, okay, i love you and nothing you can say or do will ever change that"

"I was pregnant " Booth looked shocked.

"When Bones?" was this yet an other traumatising story form her past.

"last week" she looked up into his eyes, she could see that he was struggling to keep himself under control.

"what did you do?" he asked is voice angry

"i just found out that i was pregnant, and i was about to tell you" she continued with out listening to him.

" i was happy, just because i knew that it would make you happy. And then the day i was going to tell you, last friday, i... stated to get stomach cramps and then i knew...knew that i lost it, i just knew." she looked at him, his expression has softened.

"why didn't you tell me? I could have..." he wasn't sure what he could have done.

"done what? Booth, made the baby come back?" she said now tears was streaming down her face.

" i could have helped you get through it, just been there. Taken some of the pain"

"well to bad i didn't feel like sharing" she said sarcastically, she turned around looking out the window once more.

"Bones pleas, i love you" he moved to stand right in front of her, blocking the window, then pulled her into a hug. He was surprised when she started to cry, then leaned back to looked at him.

" i love you too" she said, Booth smiled, she had never told him that even though he knew in his heart that she loved him, it felt good to hear it.

"i know Bones" he said, and at that moment they both knew that everything was going to be okay, what ever happened they would have each other...

THE END

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I no longer like this story, the end turned out very, very very bad. I think I'm going to make and alternative ending.

Love you all that review, haven't had time to change the mistakes you told me about, but i will as soon as I'm done cleaning my room.


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